The purpose of this exercise is to help you notice your own and other people’s styles of reaction. How you would classify each of these examples- fight, flight, freeze or flow?
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1. I let the other person win because I don’t want to appear to be creating issues.
2. I insist I am right so that I can get what I want.
3. I was waiting in a queue. Someone jumped in front of me, but I couldn’t say anything.
4. There was a difficult discussion at work. I checked in on everyone, summarised where we all were and then encouraged conversation so that we could move forward again.
5. I can’t get my way and I start to cry.
6. My partner can be violent if they don’t get what they want. I’m terrified of them and do everything they ask. I feel sick and depressed.
7. I present my child with an ultimatum: “Do what I say or I’ll ban all devices for a month.”
8. We have a new pet in our house. I encourage us all to negotiate how to deal with the extra chores involved, who’ll do what.
9. When my ideas are questioned or my behaviour criticised, I find I can’t respond.
10. I work with someone who is very difficult. I can’t say anything to them about it and I think I should resign.
11. Someone snaps at me, but I try not to take it too personally. I find out what has upset them and open a discussion about it.
12. We’re having a staff meeting and someone comes up with an idea that’s been tried before. I stop them and let them know that their suggestion is ridiculous. Then I chat to the person next to me while they go on elaborating.