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Resolve The Conflict Guide

Have you ever had a conflict and wished you could have handled it better?

These thought provoking questions draw on proven ways to resolve conflict and create more fulfilling relationships where everyone wins. This Resolve the Conflict Guide is endorsed by many psychologists, counsellors, doctors, business managers, and teachers.

Who: Use it with:  your partner, your children, your parents, your work colleagues, your friends, your business negotiations

When: When it’s time to take action on your own problem or to support someone else who’s struggling with how to move a conflict forward.

Why: Running the conflict through this guide may well help you take a significant step towards managing better or resolving your immediate problem.

How: Take some time to consider each of these questions. Writing down some answers often helps. Work through this Guide alone or together.

GUIDE

DO I WANT TO RESOLVE THE CONFLICT?        

Be willing to fix the problem.

CAN I SEE THE WHOLE PICTURE NOT JUST MY OWN POINT OF VIEW?

Broaden your outlook.

WHAT ARE THE NEEDS AND ANXIETIES OF EVERYONE INVOLVED?

Write them down.

HOW CAN WE MAKE THIS FAIR?

Negotiate.

WHAT ARE THE POSSIBILITIES?

Think up as many solutions as you can. Pick the one that gives everyone more of what they want.

CAN WE WORK IT OUT TOGETHER?

Treat each other as equals.

WHAT AM I FEELING?

Am I too emotional?
Could I:    a. get more facts,     b. take time out to calm down,   
c. tell them how I feel?

WHAT DO I WANT TO CHANGE?

Be clear. Attack the problem, not the person.

WHAT OPPORTUNITY CAN THIS BRING?

Work on the positives, not the negatives.

WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE IN THEIR SHOES?

Do they know I understand them?

DO WE NEED A NEUTRAL THIRD PERSON?

Could this help us to understand each other and create our own solutions?

HOW CAN WE BOTH WIN?

Work towards solutions where everyone’s needs are respected.

As well as the Guide above, there is an A4 poster available on this website, which is also extremely useful when faced with a conflict. You can download this poster by clicking this link:

Resolve The Conflict poster

Help build your own conflict resolving community. You could print this poster out for a noticeboard or a waiting area or work through it with a colleague or family member. It’s a great tool to open discussions with a client in a coaching session.

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