These skills are proven ways to resolve conflict and create successful human relationships where everyone wins. This Conflict Resolution technique is endorsed by many psychologists, counsellors, doctors, business managers, and teachers.
Who: Use it with: your partner, your children, your parents, your work colleagues, your friends, your business negotiations
When: When it’s time to take action on your own problem or helping someone else.
How: Work on the questions alone or together. Writing down the answers often helps. One or more of these skills will make the difference.
A new version of the Guide below is available as an A4 poster. You could print this out for a noticeboard or a waiting area pamphlet or work through it with a client in a coaching session. You can download this attractive poster by clicking this link:
Why: You will not only take a significant step towards resolving your own immediate problem, but you will also be helping to build the conflict-resolving community.
DO I WANT TO RESOLVE THE CONFLICT?
Be willing to fix the problem.
CAN I SEE THE WHOLE PICTURE NOT JUST MY OWN POINT OF VIEW?
Broaden your outlook.
WHAT ARE THE NEEDS AND ANXIETIES OF EVERYONE INVOLVED?
Write them down.
HOW CAN WE MAKE THIS FAIR?
WHAT ARE THE POSSIBILITIES?
Think up as many solutions as you can. Pick the one that gives everyone more of what they want.
CAN WE WORK IT OUT TOGETHER?
Treat each other as equals.
WHAT AM I FEELING?
Am I too emotional?
Could I; a. get more facts, b. take time out to calm down, c. tell them how I feel?
WHAT DO I WANT TO CHANGE?
Be clear. Attack the problem, not the person.
WHAT OPPORTUNITY CAN THIS BRING?
Work on the positives, not the negatives
WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE IN THEIR SHOES?
Do they know I understand them?
DO WE NEED A NEUTRAL THIRD PERSON?
Could this help us to understand each other and create our own solutions?
HOW CAN WE BOTH WIN?
Work towards solutions where everyone’s needs are respected.